i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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