i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We're too hungover to prance.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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