I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
