So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
