Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
