Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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