He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
