the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
