worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
