They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
