Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Congratulations! We have a period
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
