dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize