I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
last night I used snow as a chaser
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
