Michael Bay diarrhea
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
