and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Randomize
