and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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