so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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