Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
