the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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