DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize