You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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