birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
