Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize