i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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