i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
