As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
