He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I stole a fireplace last night.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
