Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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