just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Everclear isn't food dammit
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