Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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