My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
