dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
