He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
