I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
