You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
