Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
