my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he puts the penis in happiness.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
