also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
