Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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