I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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