I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
