I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
accomplished twins. life is a go
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
