somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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