We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
