I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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