she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
