good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
