i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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