Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
