There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
50% drunk capacity currently
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Randomize
