yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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