You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize