Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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