It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
