I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
