Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
