Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
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