I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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