I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
