if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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