The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize