Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
