then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
