dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
