Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
