tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
