I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
