I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
