so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
