You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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