Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
love makes seman taste better
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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