Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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