I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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