my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
