is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
