his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
