he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
