these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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