it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
