Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
